9 Tools From a Hostage Negotiator That Will Get You a Raise | Chris Voss | EP 425

Negotiating with the Devil: Chris Voss on the Power of Proactive Listening and Collaborative Outcomes

In this insightful podcast episode, Jordan Peterson sits down with Chris Voss, a renowned American author, teacher, and former FBI hostage negotiator. Voss brings a wealth of experience to the discussion, offering practical advice on negotiation, communication, and the art of listening.

Core Concepts and Philosophies

Voss's core philosophy centers around the idea that successful negotiation is not about winning at the expense of the other party, but rather about finding a mutually beneficial outcome through collaboration. He emphasizes that negotiation should aim for a "productive, long-term, generous, mutual collaboration" where both parties are genuinely invested in finding solutions together.

Practical Strategies and Advice

Voss shares a number of practical strategies for improving negotiation and communication skills. These include:

• Proactive Listening: Voss stresses the importance of actively listening to understand the other party's perspective, fears, and motivations. This involves paying close attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues, and using tools like mirroring, summarizing, and calibrated questions to ensure you're on the same page.
• De-escalation and Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and addressing negative emotions, particularly fear and resentment, is crucial for fostering collaboration. Voss encourages using techniques like "emotional labeling" to acknowledge and de-escalate negative feelings, creating a more conducive environment for dialogue.
• The Power of "What" and "How" Questions: Voss recommends asking open-ended "what" and "how" questions to steer the conversation towards a shared understanding and encourage the other party to think critically about their options.
• Joint Vision and Pathway to Success: Establishing a shared vision and a clear pathway to success is essential for building trust and ensuring both parties are invested in the outcome. This can involve setting achievable goals with clear rewards and acknowledging the other party's needs and wants.
• Embrace Uncertainty and Avoid Taking Yourself Hostage: Voss advocates for approaching negotiations with an open mind and a willingness to adapt to unexpected situations. He emphasizes that the fear of a "bad outcome" should not paralyze you, and that a willingness to walk away from a deal can give you greater leverage.
• Focus on Long-Term Value and Durable Solutions: A successful negotiation aims for a durable solution that benefits both parties in the long run. This means avoiding tactics that might lead to resentment or a lack of commitment from the other party, ensuring a sustainable and mutually beneficial partnership.

Supporting Evidence

Voss's advice is grounded in research, drawing on insights from hostage negotiation, psychology, and neuroscience. He highlights studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of proactive listening, emotional labeling, and other techniques in shifting perceptions, building trust, and creating positive change.

Personal Application

Voss shares his own experiences as a hostage negotiator and how he applies these concepts in his personal life, particularly in his interactions with family members. He stresses the importance of genuine communication, empathy, and a collaborative approach, even in challenging situations.

Recommendations for Tools and Techniques

Voss recommends exploring the "Black Swan Method," which he developed based on his experience and research. This method emphasizes a set of nine tools for proactive listening, emotional intelligence, and negotiation, which can be applied in various contexts, from business to personal relationships. Voss's insights provide a powerful framework for navigating complex negotiations and fostering genuine communication. By embracing his strategies for proactive listening, collaborative problem-solving, and seeking mutually beneficial outcomes, you can build stronger relationships and achieve more sustainable success in all areas of your life.